Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Club Scene

I am fortunate to have known my husband during the
"club-hopping" days of our youth.
Though we often traveled in different circles before dating, we both enjoyed (for a short time, at least) the electric atmosphere offered by a few Long Island hot spots in the eighties.
My favorite was a haunt called "Chevy's." It offered fifties music and memorabilia, oddly but successfully coupled with contemporary dance music. It housed several dance floors, and for those with more muscle than hustle, there were sports cages for pick-up games (pun intended) and televised major league events.
I left Chevy's at the same time as the closing crew on more occasions than I care to admit. Nonetheless, it remains a fond memory today, as well as a painful reminder that I have only myself to blame, for severing a once firm relationship between my bottom and a jeans size in the single digits.
I have always loved dancing and it remains one of the few physical exercises I don't despise.
If only there were dance clubs today, for forty-somethings who still respect big hair.
Sadly, Chevy's was leveled to make room for an expanding
auto mall.
Undoubtedly, amidst all that rubble and neon, went my waistline, hubby's rhythm, and my last can of Stiff Stuff hair spray.

Now, twenty-something years later, hubby and I will venture into a new club scene of sorts.
We will join the ranks of countless other Americans struggling to choose between Sam's, Costco, or BJ's Wholesale Club, where membership has its privileges.
We will utilize each of our one-day passes to carefully decide which membership best suits our needs, though "clubbing," as we called it, will require a few modifications;

Parachute pants and Capezio shoes will be left behind, in favor of lightweight fleece and comfortable sneakers.

Our focus will have shifted from available singles, to single snack packs at competitive volume pricing.

No longer amused by strobe lights or smoke machines, we will instead be dazed and confused as we venture past the high-def bigger/better/faster version of our (now seemingly insignificant) TV.

For a few hundred dollars, we might purchase all that is necessary to forego the communal appreciation (boom box style) of new tunes, and alternatively, purchase individual songs, imbed rubber buds into our ears, keeping our own playlists close to the vest for independent listening (and I'm guessing there won't be any dancing).

For those of us struggling to read microscopic playlists, preferring the larger formatted text of the jukebox, we might visit the Club Optical Center and drop a Ben Franklin or two for a BOGO sale
on bifocals.

And since it's unlikely that current club hopping will be followed by a pre-dawn diner visit, we might pick up a box or two of
Bubba Burgers (at 800 calories a pop, with no pre-burger workout on the dance floor) to throw on our new, pre-assembled,
self-igniting Weber grill, strategically placed near a ginormous display of Hanes Unisex Comfort Elastic Waist Sweat Pants.

After comparison shopping all of our staple items, we might head over to the Gourmet department to pick up a tube of Polenta and a box of Merlot.

If there's still room in the cart, we can pick up the newest self-help books from Dr. Oz and Bob Greene, taking care not to crush the Break-n-Bake Otis Spunkmeyer Cookies, or the
Cheesecake Factory Baby Cakes Assortment.

Thankfully, there should be extra room under the cart for the Roomba Robotic Vacuum and a case of Vitamin Water.

I might try to convince hubby to splurge on the Wii system complete with the Wii Fit Bundle; though our budget doesn't allow for much in the way of entertainment, and the 2 for $10 DVDs are so much more economical (plus, they come with free Movie Theater Extra Butter Popcorn).

Before we venture to checkout, I will grab my pen and notepad and do some comparison pricing for specific items as requested by my neighborhood friends.
These include, in no particular order;
Marlboro Cigarettes (carton), Crest White Strips, Hot Tools Ionic Hair Straightener, Sebastian Hair Repair Conditioner,
Jergen's Self-Tanning Lotion, Olay Anti-Wrinkle Serum, Slim-Fast Cappuccino Meal-Replacement Shakes, Immodium AD,
Red Bull 6-Pack, Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea,
DiGiorno Pepperoni Pizza, Pepcid AC, Hefty Lawn & Leaf Bags, and Scott's All Purpose Mulch- 25lb. bag.

Perhaps our club shopping adventure won't offer as much excitement as our club hopping days of yesteryear. But alas,
age and wisdom allow us to appreciate small, momentary pleasures in lieu of more grandiose events.

Thankfully however, some things never change;
I will have my I.D. at the ready for the cashier
because they always seem to ask for it.

They must think I'm not old enough to buy that box of wine.

This is my truth;



Anonymous said...

This kind of clubbing certainly isn't helping that waistline!! And You never told me how much were those marlboros!

Anonymous said...

HA HA there was an ad for Capezios!! Too funny! Sandra
P.S. the last comment was from me too!

Anonymous said...

Great on Michelle. I can really relate. JD